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Showing posts from December, 2005

eroticizing Curious George again

I saw a poster on my subway station platform about the upcoming Curious George movie . I immediately noticed that the music was written and performed by Jack Johnson ... Jack Johnson. Curious George. Bi-curious. Monkey sex. I don't know why my filthy mind made the connection, but it did. Jack Johnson is hotter than hell , so I could eroticize a parking ticket if he sang about it. Barefoot. I'm sorry, George. I haven't had a mental picture like this since the Friends episode with Marcel the monkey: Rachel: Marcel! Bad monkey! Ross: What? Rachel: Let's just say my Curious George doll is no longer curious.

me again

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one of my holiday favourites

Schmucker opens his yap again

Anybody with any ambition at all, or intelligence, has left Canada and is now living in New York. Canada is a sweet country. It is like your retarded cousin you see at Thanksgiving and sort of pat him on the head. You know, he's nice but you don't take him seriously. That's Canada. Will someone please load Schmucker Karlsen into a Russian rocket and launch him into the sun? And while you're at it, strap in Ass Koulter (a.k.a. blonde Satan harpy).

SO happy

This cheers me up so much. When people drive high-end luxury cars around with an arrogant sense of "entitlement" and: get traffic tickets get towed away get into fender-benders (no injuries... just fender-benders) get on the receiving end of "pedestrian rage," like in this video all is right with the world. Peace on Earth! Thanks for the clip, Mitz. p.s. - guess if I've ever unloaded some "pedestrian rage"

how my air conditioner reminds me of my single status

--> it has been sitting on the floor of my apartment since I took it out of the window in October I need a man . Or a little truck/dolly thingy to wheel it down to my storage locker in the basement of my building. I've asked Jason and Too Busy Living to help, but they have a way of mysteriously disappearing when there's work to do.

TTC bus vs. Infiniti SUV

Part of me so wished that the driver of the TTC bus I was on this morning hadn't practiced good defensive driving, and instead had hit the Infiniti SUV that cut him off by city hall. We weren't going fast. No one would've been killed. I've ridden this route for years. On one near-miss occasion, I was sitting behind the bus driver, who remarked, "I could've hit that car, but I don't feel like doing the paperwork tonight." I love it . Infiniti idiot: do you think you're a match for a vehicle that is several times your weight and size? Do you think that driving an SUV makes you invincible? Bring it, mofo.

me

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I'm all ready for Brokeback Mountain .

living in Toronto: the appreciative post

Every now and then, I am reminded of why I like living in Toronto. Tonight, that reminder came as I finished renewing my subscription to Vanity Fair . On the website's Roundtable section, there is an article by Anderson Tepper on the strength of the Canadian literature scene in Toronto . It's a brilliant piece. I loved his comparisons of Toronto and New York: Toronto, like an eclipsed, earlier version of New York, is being re-written, remapped, reimagined. [...] Toronto: a mini–New York; an anti–New York; a younger, more global, more tolerant New York. It's not the first time the two cities have been compared. Peter Ustinov once said that "Toronto is like New York run by the Swiss." Unfortunately, we've had some bad years since then. John Barber of The Globe and Mail wrote recently that Toronto is now more "like Cleveland run by the Canadians." Years of rule by an uptight Italian-Canadian-Catholic police chief has left my area of the city a

gawd I hate the TTC

I don't judge anyone who drives their vehicle * to work in the Greater Toronto Area. Yes, our freeways and commuter arteries are a gridlocked mess most of the time, but it's no wonder. There is little coordination amongst the transit systems of the outlying cities, successive provincial governments have slashed funding to GO Transit , and Toronto has a bad habit of ripping up pre-existing rail lines and turning them into long, skinny parks (or ignoring them altogether). And then there's the TTC . The Better Way , my ass. It took me 50 minutes to get home from work tonight. If I get a bus right away, it takes me 20 minutes. Walking takes 35. The problem tonight, I think, was that a bus was missing from the regular pattern of service on the route. This accounts for my 25-minute wait at the stop. Luckily it was only -5c tonight, so I didn't freeze to death. Between the unpredictable wait times, the oft-surly drivers, the beat-up buses, and the multitude of crazy

madame's mornings

A Random Person (RP) has transcended space and time and has managed to enter madamerouge's body (this is non-sexual , pervs) to experience what it's like to be madame in the morning... RP: Omigod, I had no idea it was this bad. So is it every morning that you feel like you want to die, or just today in particular? madamerouge: Pretty much every morning. If it's a weekend, and I get to sleep in and watch the Discovery Channel for a while, it's not so bad. But during the workweek, yes, I pray for death every morning. RP: That's not good. You should talk to your shrink about that. madamerouge: Yeah, whatever. Where's my coffee?

erase hate

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Snacksie and I saw Cyndi Lauper in concert Tuesday night at Massey Hall in Toronto. She is amazing live; I highly recommend seeing her if you get the chance. Oddly enough, we did not get our purple bracelets . You see, our Cyn met Judy Shepard in October and is now on the honourary board of the Matthew Shepard Foundation . As part of the partnership, attendees of Cyndi's current tour receive the bracelet. Whatever the reason for the absent bracelets tonight, Lauper's commitment to the foundation is admirable. She performed her new song "Above the Clouds" which was inspired, in part, by Matthew. Introducing the song, Cyndi said that she wants a world without hatred for her son and for everyone... a world where "difference would be celebrated... so that if you saw a person who was different from you, you'd be more likely to approach that person, have a converstation, and find out that maybe you weren't so different after all."

immobilisé, day 3

I blame most of it on being called into work on Saturday. Ordinarily, I stand a pretty good chance of landing in a "valley" after a "peak" such as my trip to Spain. Good times can't last indefinitely, my brain tells me. If I could have spent Saturday napping and leisurely getting ready for the two Christmas parties I was expected at that night, it might have turned out differently. I might have had some more fun. Instead, I got home from work exhausted and fell asleep at 8:30 p.m. I turned off my phone, crawled into bed, and slept for 14h. Monday, I not only missed work but also medical tests necessary for an upcoming procedure (a procedure that's causing me inordinate amounts of stress). But yesterday's small miracle was that I had a shower and brushed my teeth. Baby steps. Today, I'm literally forcing myself to go get those missed medical tests from yesterday and head to work after that. I have Cyndi Lauper to look forward to with Jason