Posts

Showing posts from 2006

Carrie Fisher is awesome

Image
I'm back from my Christmas holiday. It's amazing what you can get done when you're not glued to a computer... I finally finished reading the October issue of Vanity Fair , and started November. (Yes, I'm that behind in my VF subscription. I'm also carrying some extra weight. Goddamned BLOGGING.) Imagine my delight when I turned to George Wayne's Q&A with Carrie Fisher. Fisher refers to her home as "Kennecuntport." And when Wayne asks her how she ended up in Star Wars , she responds, "I slept with some nerd. I hope it was George [Lucas]." I absolutely love her.

rouge-alicious def

This post is inspired by YJA 's nasty comment from the other day. (He said that I should pretty myself up a bit if I want to meet a nice guy.) I decided to take his negative energy and turn it into something cheerful and life-affirming. (Backgrounder: YJA and I have a long history of hurling insults at each other. Well, it's more of a one-way thing. But there's lots of lurve there--don't misunderstand me.) YJA likes to poke fun at how I dress. Admittedly, there are times I can be stuck in the '90s. This is primarily due to my love of plaid. And yes, I did wear a plaid shirt to the Christmas party I mentioned in Sunday's post . But here's the thing: plaid's back. Just ask Fergie ... check out her awesome plaid dress in the video for "Fergalicious" . I'm bringin' tartan back!

stronger and harder than a bad girl's dream

Thursday night I dreamed I was having a hot and heavy affair with Colton Ford . It wasn't so much a sexually detailed dream as it was emotionally intense . Colton was already in a relationship in my dream. We were cheating. Plus, he was a guest where I work, which can so get me fired in real life. The theme of unavailable men continued on Saturday night at a Christmas party in Cabbagetown. A few weeks ago, the host told me about a hot twentysomething that he thought would be perfect for me. And I met him at the party. Hot, most definitely. But my friend left out a crucial detail: the partner of several years. Another party guest was a seriously tall & cute guy I met last winter. Partnered, according to reports. Well, after six drinks, I found a moment to tell the tall guy how attractive he was, and to ask if he was still in a relationship. He replied that he was. Tall guy was exceptionally gracious and kind about the whole thing--and spent quite a bit of the remai

tugboat

Image
Last week, some coworkers and I went out for lunch in The Toronto Star building. Its cafeteria features a view of Toronto Harbour, and I enjoy looking out the large windows. I get to see the planes coming in for a landing at Toronto City Centre Airport. And there's always the hope that I'll spot some ducks on the walk there. On this occasion, I watched a tugboat pulling an enormous crane barge west from the port lands. Immediately, I flashed back to one of my favourite books as a child: Tuggy the Tugboat by Jean Horton Berg . I hadn't thought of the book in a long, long time. I'm going to try and dig it out of storage at my parents' house over Christmas. From what I can remember, the imagery was dark (a storm or inclement weather was involved) but not scary. The city setting (presumably New York) looked enormous to this small boy from the wilderness of northwestern Ontario. And although I grew up around water and boats, the might of a tugboat certainly

weekend recap

on Friday night, I watched Mean Girls on TBS . I'm starting to think that Lindsay Lohan is actually talented. on Saturday, there was a big Christmas party at Jason 's. His room-mate is a really good cook, and the food was incredible. A few of us were recruited to be on the decorating/prep committee, so I poured my first drink at 4 p.m. (four hours ahead of the party's official start time). Mistake! I owe Salem $10. I'm giving you a blog IOU, dude. I was hurting on Sunday, but I had another Christmas party to go to... this one given by a neighbour in the afternoon. I stuck to Perrier, and one glass of champagne. at the party, I discussed my lack of need for a cellular telephone. Around that time, my brother was repeatedly calling my apartment to get my assistance, as my sister-in-law was in the city with a flat tire. Sorry. At least now you know how to perform this vital automotive skill. It's better you learn it in the Park'N'Fly lot than on the

Josh Stamberg

Image
Meat Meet the eighth entry in my Top Ten List. APPRECIATE HIM! Here's Josh Stamberg as "Sarge," the paintballer who had a threeway with Keith and David in the third season of Six Feet Under . He played a no-nonsense, no-drama gay guy who oozed sex and a comfortable, natural masculinity that had me, um, standing at attention . On Monday's episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip , he guest starred as a movie producer who offers Harriet a major role--and states that he wants to date her. I hope this is a long story arc, because I can't get enough of this man. Josh... you're hot! Please, update your IMDB page with some photos and your role on S60 ! (While you're at it, joshstamberg.com needs work.) previous entries Eric Bana Chris Evans Colton Ford Troy Garity Christopher Meloni Adrian Pasdar Paul Rudd

poop in the lake

Image
I've fretted previously about waste water entering the Great Lakes . Last week, the Sierra Legal Defence Fund released a major study on the amount of raw sewage being dumped into the Great Lakes. It's a disgusting problem, and we are right to be concerned about what's going on upstream from us here in Toronto. We should also be ashamed of ourselves, as a city, for letting our own problems with untreated sewage discharges persist for so long. In the Great Lakes Sewage Report Card , cities in the region are graded according to the amount of raw sewage that enters the watershed. Most typically, problems occur when rainfall overwhelms the sewage treatment system. Detroit, Cleveland, Windsor, and Toronto are the biggest offenders. (Buffalo and Toledo refused to provide the study with data; Chicago gets a good grade, but its waste water is diverted into the Mississippi watershed.) Yesterday, when I visited my ducks (who are doing just fine, by the way), the water clarity

shipoopi

Lastnight's episode of Family Guy was a repeat, but it was a classic. There's a lot of gratuitous violence in Patriot Games , and a brilliant scene where Lois drills a hole through the wall so she can spy on Tom Brady having a shower. Best of all is this musical number that Peter breaks into during a New England Patriots game: I laughed until I cried.

I love ducks

Although I work in a depressing windowless office, the building is right on the shore of Lake Ontario. So when I need cheering up, I head out, get a coffee, and sit by the water for a few minutes. This is what I did on Monday afternoon. The weather was balmy, and the lake was calm. I watched a large group of Long-tailed ducks in the harbour. I don't see this species much, because they're on the lake in the colder months of the year. A few of them were making their way toward the pier. They dove underwater, so I quietly approached the pier's edge. Standing still, I watched the bubble trails get closer. They surfaced right in front of me. Absolutely beautiful birds: white and dark brown, with long slender tail feathers. We studied each other for a few seconds, and then they dove back down into the water. I felt my spirit recharged as I tracked their underwater progress... graceful, purposed... to a depth of several feet. (The effect of the zebra mussel infestatio

back from Indy road trip

On Friday, I went on a trip to Indianapolis with Salem , Jason , and YJA . We got back last night. It was a fun trip. Some highlights: I forgot to print off a list of kph/mph conversions (my car's speedometer is in metric only), and I'm glad I didn't get the chance to try that explanation out with a state trooper in MI-OH-IN on Friday (IN-MI on Sunday). YJA purchased a portable DVD player for the journey, so he only tormented us occasionally. He looked so cute there in the back seat with his videos. YJA sounds like a little kid when he asks "are we there yet?" repeatedly Salem is an ace navigator I have no voice left after two nights of partying in Indianapolis. I got a little too drunk on Friday night. Tim's premonition came true , because I wound up in the "scary" bar. My recollection of this is partial at best. We need to come up with a system to remind Jason that he checked his jacket... some sort of clicker or perimeter alarm that prevents

Seven of Ten, tertiary adjunct of Unimatrix Incredibly Effing HOT

Image
I first laid eyes on the tall, dark, and handsome Troy Garity during the telecast of the 2004 Golden Globe Awards . He was nominated for his role in Soldier's Girl , which I finally saw over the weekend. And he's the seventh man on my Top Ten List. Garity's performance is believable, powerful, and moving. I'm looking forward to seeing more of him on screen. APPRECIATE HIM! previous entries Eric Bana Chris Evans Colton Ford Christopher Meloni Adrian Pasdar Paul Rudd

these characters are real to me

(The title of this post is an inside joke that I share with Peter . At least, I think it is...) In August 2001, I had a relationship end suddenly. Luckily, the cable provider for my apartment complex was running a free trial of a movie network (read: low-budget HBO equivalent), so I didn't have to find all of my comfort in ice cream and anonymous sex. That's when I started watching Six Feet Under . From the outset, I was hooked. The show took me away to Los Angeles, and I got swept up in the lives of the Fisher family. Eventually, the series was picked up on the Showcase channel in Canada, but it was always very far behind HBO's broadcast. I was content to wait--the show was worth it. So that's why I'm just now watching the final season. I've resisted the urge to go on a renting spree at the video store, limiting myself to any episodes I missed from Showcase . Even after five seasons, and even if I'm watching the show on tape or DVD, I still watch t

hello, Mr. Meloni

Image
You're the sixth entry on my Top Ten List. Christopher Meloni does it all: drama, comedy, full-frontal... the man has guts and talent. And he's so damned hunky! APPRECIATE HIM! previous entries Eric Bana Chris Evans Colton Ford Adrian Pasdar Paul Rudd

favicon

Image
I made a new favicon for my blog. Depending on your browser, you might see it in the address bar. I realized it turned out rather small, so here it is: (I think it reflects the spirit of I Always Win . Some people might think it's excessively negative. I'm just trying to make people laugh. That is, after all, one of the reasons I started this blog.) From what I've read, in order for the image to be supported in IE, I'd have to convert the .gif to a .ico file--not exactly easy, since none of my computer's three imaging programs can do that. But I am quite proud of myself for figuring out how to make it and stick it in the html of my template. I'm going to try and come up with something that will display a bit better in the confines of the address bar.

continuity/intimacy

Let me put on my hack blogger hat for a moment. There was a major continuity problem in lastnight's episode of Studio 60 . In "Nevada Day Part I" several members of the show and the network fly on the company jet to Nevada. The exterior shot is (I think) a Falcon business jet... a beautiful small plane. The interior shots don't match--the width of the cabin suggests a much larger commercial passenger airliner. Poor set choice, people. Awesome episode otherwise! __________________________________________________________ On yesterday's post about my AWOL weekend date, St. Dickeybird commented, " How can you be fending for yourself on a Saturday?" and listed some popular avenues of hook-up, including the Internet. I think the Internet is part of the problem. When I look back at my experience, the most common result of meeting someone on the Internet is a quick fuck. I don't usually find fault with that, but when someone comes along with "

I had a great weekend... found a subway token in the washer...

Yay! Free ride to work. Except that I can't be sure it didn't come from the pockets of the clothes I was laundering. Is my glass half full, half empty, or destined to be the glass at a Jewish wedding ceremony? I dunno... I got stood up for a second time by The Beautiful Boy . We were supposed to see a movie on Saturday. I think he must have wound up in an emergency room somewhere, without access to a telephone. Perhaps he was abducted by aliens. All I know is that I was left to fend for myself on Saturday, which meant that I channelled all of my waiting-by-the-phone angst into cleaning. (He called me out of the blue a week ago, apologizing for bailing on our second date. He offered up a pretty good explanation, and said he'd really like to see me again. He wanted us to get to know each other better, and I agreed to that. He suggested a movie.) Invertebrates learn faster than I do. Seriously. __________________________________________________________ I literally

Five. Ford. Friday.

Image
What is it about Friday that makes my mind drift to hunky men? I seem to remember "beefcake Friday" over at Republic of Dogs . Auntie and Thistle have their " who'd ya do?" (although that's sometimes about choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea). Entry number five on my Top Ten List is Colton Ford . APPRECIATE HIM! One of these days I'll pick up Naked Fame at the store and learn more about his foray into the music business. I'll be honest, though: he first grabbed my attention as an adult film star, and that's where he'll always have a place in my, um, heart. Woof! Previous entries on my list are linked here . - note to tehl4m3 : careful, you're still on watch - note to Timmy : your e-mail appears to be broken. (I tried!)

please for not to be cancelling my Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip

Hello? NBC? Yes, thank you. I am a crank. I once wrote a letter to ABC asking them not to cancel Twin Peaks . I like quirky, intelligent television, and I thank you for doing an Internet search and finding this blog post. Since The West Wing ended, I have been in a Severe Sorkin Shortage . And yes, I also loved Sports Night . __________________________________________________________ There are so many reasons to love Studio 60 . Amanda Peet's smart-as-hell character, Jordan McDeere. Sarah Paulson, who played the lovely lipstick lesbian in The Other Sister . The way the show gives me hope that America's current religious tensions won't end up mushrooming into, well, a mushroom cloud. I love it the most, though, for its skewering of bloggers in the second episode: [a blogger has written about the firing of Tom's boss] Tom Jeter : The New York Times is going to quote [that blogger] so that the people can be heard, and the Times can demonstrate they're not

life traps

Image
Not a bad weekend. Got caught up on my sleep, which had been suffering in the last couple of weeks. Got some domestic crap done. I tried to get back into the self-help book I'm currently reading, Reinventing Your Life . I abandoned it earlier this year when I came to the part that instructed me to write a letter (in my dominant hand) to my wounded inner child, and let my inner child answer back in my non-dominant hand. Seriously. I'm finding that to be a bit of a road block. My shrink told me to skip it. I'm inclined to agree, because I think the book's foundations in cognitive therapy are good. In a future post, I'll describe what life traps the book says I've fallen into!

F is for 4, fantastic, and f*** me gently with a chainsaw!

Image
It's Friday... time for another man from my Top Ten List. The previous entries (in no particular order) were Eric Bana , Adrian Pasdar , and Paul Rudd . Get your spoons ready... here comes my fourth man, Chris Evans : Yes, he's pretty in an obvious sort of way. But he's also hella sexy. I was in such a state after seeing Fantastic Four that I thought I was in a pull-through parking spot, and drove into a cement barrier in the movie theatre garage. Here's another shot, much more rough-and-tumble: APPRECIATE HIM!

hang in there, Dickey!

I'm sure there will be a bullet train to Georgetown in the next decade! You know... unless our governments decide to make more rail lines into parks or trails. Peter , Jason , and I enjoyed meeting you yesterday evening. And remember, Dickey ... it's your blog, you can kvetch if you want to.

he doesn't look a thing like Jesus

My last two posts were about love and romance. Here's why: I met someone at the beginning of October. After what I thought was a good first date on the 6th, we made plans for a second date. We talked on the phone, and decided to go for Sunday brunch on the 15th. I called the day before to firm up the plans; he didn't answer. (No, it wasn't a case of me always calling him .) Sunday came and went. He never called back, or e-mailed. (He still hasn't.) Boo hoo; big deal. This crap happens to everyone. Be a man; suck it up and move on. You slept with him on the first date. He's seven years younger. You met on a gay hook-up site. You hooked up, and you drove him home the next afternoon. What more were you expecting? Here's what I was expecting: to have my call returned to go out for a nice brunch, as planned that someone who exhibited prior behaviour that can best be described as "into me" wouldn't suddenly give me the brush-off So, unless

in love with being in love

Many years ago, someone told me that I was "in love with being in love." I took issue with that notion. I found it dismissive. It devalued the fact that I was lonely and was hoping to fall in love and shack up. I thought it was like saying "you're in love with being healthy," or "prosperous," or "happy." Duh . This idea was addressed in a recent Savage Love column . If what this poor guy wrote to Dan about is true, then I think I finally understand what "in love with love" might mean. I'm curious to know what y'all think.

the one that got away?

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it. - George Santayana, The Life of Reason Many people who know me say that I'm too caught up in ancient history (in the proverbial sense). I trot out the ghost stories from my past and deconstruct them, over and over again. While I concede that excessive wading into the waters downstream from the bridge can be limiting, I don't think it's unreasonable to stop every once in a while and look back at what has transpired. You are, in large part, a bundle of your past experiences. In 1994, I moved to Toronto for school. I was finally out of the closet (mostly), in good shape, and feeling really good about the future. I especially enjoyed being 24 and having my "fresh meat" status at the local gay bars. I had just registered for my courses in the week after Labour Day, and when Friday came around, I headed out to Colby's--one of the best gay clubs in the city. There, I met Kevin. He was dark-haired,

a perennial member of my Top Ten List

Image
Back in March , I promised a posting of my Top Ten List. (Given the recent dearth of posts on this clog, I should consider stretching that list out to ten posts.) The list has been a fluid thing over the years, but Paul Rudd has been there since I first saw him (along with just about everyone else) in 1995's Clueless . In the spring of 1998, I had to log a weekend of retail therapy to get over seeing Rudd in The Object of My Affection . (He completely destroyed me in that film.) And unlike Rachel Weisz's character in The Shape of Things (2003), I thought Paul Rudd's character was perfect and not in need of a makeover. So, thanks to Peter 's surfing, I bring you the intelligent sensuality of Paul Rudd: (Lookit the boxers on the floor! I'm done !)

Rouge and Peter like to keep active

Image
Many thanks to Butchie , mad Photoshop genius.

I am cheering and jumping on my couch

I just finished watching Ugly Betty and I think I'm hooked. America Fererra impressed me in a tv movie two years ago (contrary to what Peter might be inclined to believe, I've never seen The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants ) and she is beyond lovable as Betty Suarez. This could fill the void left in my life after The Devil Wears Prada ! Consequently, I am screwed on Thursday evenings. I am going to be watching tv for three hours straight: Ugly Betty, Grey's Anatomy, ER .

Hello, Vegas? We would like some more alcohol. Oh, and also, some more beers. Hello? Oh wait, I forgot to dial!

After celebrating Candy's birthday Friday night, I just have one question: how come I didn't get Smart-Served ? I'm an adult, and I take full responsibility for deciding to drink all of Sweden . I realize that in getting a pretty entertainment reporter 's name wrong, I made an ass of myself. And not just the regular kind of ass. Getting her mixed up with a reporter on a rival network made me an ass hat . I might as well have called her Tricia Takanawa -- she might have had a less horrified look on her face then. But seriously, when I fumble my bar order by asking for "an Absolut Mandarin and vodka" -- on two separate occasions -- maybe it's time to offer me just a plain club soda. Ugh.

more objects found by Atlantis

Image
These were spotted in orbit around Uranus: JAJAJAJA! Ugh. I hate myself for this post.

I Don't Feel Like Cloggin'

No sir, no cloggin' today. Despite the fact that I sometimes wonder how anyone can get through all of the "hey lookit what I found on YouTube" posts--no matter how neat and cool they may be--I'm posting the new Scissor Sisters video. I love the relentless catchiness of I Don't Feel Like Dancin' and hope that someday, some man will have cause to say or think these things about me: I'm gonna be the one who gets it right [...] I'm gonna tell the whole world that you're mine The album comes out in Canada in a few days. (My fellow clogger Normlr gave it an advance review last week.) Until then, feast your eyes on the bulging leather pants of Jake Shears:

I have something to get off my chest

When I started manscaping in my 20s, I never really had a problem with the dreaded inaugural itch. It was uncomfortable for about a day, and that was it. Ever since, I've followed the Samantha Jones school of pubic hair: it's like a calling card. A couple of weeks ago, I was bored and decided to clip my chest hair. It's still itchy and making me meshugena. How can my chest be more sensitive than my huevos ?

this needs to happen

William Shatner should cover "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake. Clear your mind. Can't you just hear him? Dirty, babe You see these shackles? Baby, I'm your slave I'll let you whip me if I misbehave It's just that no one makes me feel... this way Fatrobot, please make us a gif .

here's to you, Snowflake

Image
All hail Mary-Louise Parker . Weeds wouldn't be the show it is without you. Note to the Showtime network: what's your damage, Heather? Why can't I look at your goddamned website up here in Canada? I'd love to know more about Weeds ... things like music credits. Heck, I might even download wallpaper or an IM icon. But no, I'm stuck with the ghetto site from the Canadian broadcaster . Get with the, um, program. During the run of HBO's Six Feet Under , I was able to explore deep into a show that I adored. Showtime, take a lesson from your rival and unclench, for fuck's sake.

maybe I'm taking it the wrong way

subtitled: artistic license The other day, I was listening to 102.1 FM here in Toronto and they played "Comin' Home" by City and Colour . I had already heard "Save Your Scissors" and although I don't know who Alexis is or why she's on fire , I thought it was a nice enough song. But I was put off by this lyric in "Comin' Home" I've been to Lincoln, Nebraska and hell you know it ain't worth shit I've never been to Lincoln, but I think it's pointless and somewhat immature for the song's protagonist to put a place down like that. Then again, the performer hails from a band whose Internet domain name is "the only band ever." I shouldn't expect too much. The only other character I know of that might dislike Lincoln is Aurora Greenway . Her daughter died there, in a hospital room, in Terms of Endearment .

sorry, William

There are a lot of things I'm sorry about, William. I mean, besides the obvious. I'd trade places with you in a heartbeat. I'm sure you would have done more with your life than I've done in my 36 years on the planet. Mostly, I'm sorry for keeping a distance. There are lots of complicated reasons behind that, filed under the heading of "family laundry." Maybe I made a big mistake. Was it enough to remember your birthday, and give you Christmas presents? I only live an hour away. I've been hanging on to a second-hand Spiderman action figure to give to you. But I didn't know if you were too old for it. As a result of keeping that distance, the balance of what I know about you was learned after your departure. I feel really guilty about not making a better effort to know such a great kid. I'm sorry. __________________________ To the cloggers: thanks for the kind words and messages. I know I wasn't exactly Mr. Sunshine before all of

rouge is just not that into you

Sorry, man. The heart wants what it wants. Dicks don't lie. Ain't enough Viagra in your medicine cabinet when: you're trying to shove my fingers all up in there, and I can see a Crisco smudge on your shaved head during the deed, "Get Out of My Dreams, Get Into My Car" is playing on the satellite radio in your bedroom you invite me over for a second date--even promising to make me pasta with your Italian mother's homemade sauce--then drop me cold until two months later, when you cc me on a hot hookup email to some other dude I find out that you deal. And steal. I find out you're a part-time actor. And you like getting gobbed on. you don't bother closing the bathroom door, and it's noisy you trick me into eating tripe at a dim-sum place you proudly don't wear deodorant you have to stop at a 24h cheque-cashing joint, because you're trying to "hide" your new part-time job from your landlord you point out your two missing molars--

go ahead, be done with it

A recent exchange between Jason and Rouge: rouge: have you seen the new Justin Timberlake video? Jason: guess if I'm "SexyBack" or not? rouge: I'm "Baby's Got Back"

Rouge? Non... bleu.

A freshly-showered friend in your car smells like your ex. The Tuesday night movie is the same one you went to see, by yourself, at the theatre six years ago on a night you knew your boyfriend was cheating on you. You are so miserable at your job that it permeates all aspects of your life. You know that if you don't do something about it, not only will you still be there in 10 years, you'll also be 46, single, and bitter beyond belief (even more so than now). You keep a car that's putting you in debt just so that you have a way to escape a city you don't like living in. It's a city that has kicked your ass, but it has the largest population of gay men in your homo-marriage-legal country. Critical mass. 'Cause where else is a gay guy gonna meet another gay guy? The country? Maybe in a pr0n video. On the weekends you actually do stay in the city, you don't go out. You've even given up on the Internet. Five years of serious trolling, and all you

Rouge on Pink

This post will probably make me seem like a fourteen year-old girl, but... when has emasculation stopped me before on this goddamned blog? I've decided that I like Pink . When she first surfaced, I had the same reaction as when I saw my first Britney Spears poster in a crappy mall music store: you have got to be kidding . I think it was Pink's vocals for "Just Like a Pill" and her inflection when she sang I said 'I tried to call the nurse again, but she's being a little bitch' I think I'll get out of here... that converted me. She had me at "bitch." Although I don't have any of her albums, I have enjoyed the Pink songs I've been exposed to. "Stupid Girls" has a great message and video. And I have been humming "Who Knew" for a couple of weeks now. If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out 'cause they're all wrong I know better 'cause you said fo

I get cranky when it's hot

Sometimes, it makes me write grumpy e-mails. I got into an argument with a Toronto radio host last summer. I'll call him "Expressway Eddie." Date: Mon, 25 Jul 2005 From: madamerouge Subj: "normal?" To: radio station comments CC: Expressway Eddie It is 4:35 p.m. on Monday July 25th. The current on-air personality is demonstrating an exceptional amount of insensitivity regarding the heat. He just referred to a caller as "normal" because she enjoys the heat. So people who suffer from extreme heat are abnormal? Let's see how he feels if one of his grandparents dies in an oven-like apartment, or a loved one suffers an acute asthma attack due to air pollution. Let's also see if he changes his tune if he loses his indoor air-conditioned job for an outdoor job like roofing or road construction. This weather is no laughing matter--it kills! Would he belittle those who discuss extreme cold when it takes the lives of homeless people? I wo

I am afraid of Demi M00re's b00bs

Image
-but only in the trailer for the movie Striptease . As "La Grange" by ZZ Top spools up, and Demi tears off her white shirt (violently freeing her breasts), I get startled. Jooles works with Mitzee and Jason . Sometimes we e-mail each other during the day about a song we've heard on the radio. I first discussed this notion of Moore's flailing cans with Jooles about a year ago. Every time I hear "La Grange" on the radio, I get a mental picture of the hostile h00ters in that movie trailer. I really don't like that. And lastnight, Striptease aired on one of the cable channels. Great. Now I'm associating "Cold" and "Money Can't Buy It" (by my beloved Annie Lennox) with titties, instead of every gay dinner party I attended from 1993-1994 . It has all gone to hell in my brain.

Dijon dream

I stopped off at the city's worst Dominion store (at College Park) last night after work. Dijon mustard is on my list, but they don't stock my favourite brand, Maille . I refuse to pay full price for French's , so I skip it. What did I dream about lastnight? Row upon row of Maille Dijon mustard, on sale. This is obviously my stressed-out brain processing stuff. I'm extra-busy at work right now. Basically, I'm Mitzzee . Not helping matters is the lack of (good) sex. Also, I haven't worked out since June 13th. I need a goddamned break.

turn me on/loose/whatever

Image
Earlier this week, Butchie over at My Blog Rules Your Ass! posted some great cover images of trashy/pulp/lesbiaxploitation fiction. Titillating, for sure. It reminded me of my first clandestine read: It was the winter of 1981, and I was 11 years old. Loverboy 's "Turn Me Loose" was on constant rotation on the Winnipeg AM radio station I could barely pick up, CKY AM 580 . Turn Me On! by Jack W. Thomas (Bantam, ISBN 0553144103, if you're interested) was a novel I found at our cabin . It was just smutty enough for my emerging curiosity toward sex. Even today, when I hear Mike Reno 's vocals ( And I was here to please / I'm even on my knees / Makin' love to whoever I please ), I remember "the sensational novel of a teen-age reign of terror." hoo-hoooooooooo hoo-hoooooooooo- oooooooooo

a good day to be art

Image
On Sunday, I went to the Royal Ontario Museum with a friend who was visiting Toronto. I try to be a tourist in my own city once in a while... I find it makes me stop taking my surroundings for granted. It had been years since I had been to the ROM. There are extensive exhibits of art and artifacts from China, Japan, and Korea. They made me want to live more simply and drink green tea. In the Déco Lalique exhibition, this piece caught my eye: It's the "Martigues" charger with a beautiful fish design... its peacefulness seemed right at home, upstairs from the Buddha statues and Japanese tea sets. artist: René Lalique It was brutally hot on Sunday, so I welcomed the chance to be in a cool, dry place. It occurred to me that art gets to be in better air than a lot of people get to breathe . And for a different take on things with Korean heritage, I finished off the night by re-watching Notorious C.H.O. featuring my hero, Margaret Cho.

battle of the sexes: summer business attire

To the woman who got on the 6 Bay bus (nearly empty) yesterday, sat in the back (where I was the only passenger), and opened the window (when the driver was considerate enough to have the air conditioning turned on, given the fact that it was hot and muggy outside): you could have sat somewhere else you're the type of woman that has a space heater under her office desk and uses it in July (when the power grid is groaning under threat of imminent collapse), aren't you? it could not have been less than 74°F inside that bus. Seriously... get your fucking glands checked or something. yes, bitch, after you get up to leave, I will close the window with an amount of force that will make you turn back around and look at me while you're exiting from the front fucking door and not the rear door like you're supposed to. That's exactly the kind of passive/agressive way I roll.

au revoir les chevaux!

I can't stop laughing at the first 23 seconds of this trailer:

wildflowers picked yesterday

Image
This is how I spent my Sunday afternoon in the country. (A "thank-you" goes to my sister-in-law for the use of her digital camera.)

We're WASPs. There's no talking.

I forgot to mention: at the wedding I attended, I did my usual trick of disappearing during the garter toss. (I fucking hate the garter toss.) I have been at three weddings in under a year where my parents were also guests. Apparently, my vanishing act hasn't gone unnoticed. Kill me. Kill me, now. (No, I unfortunately haven't made any headway in the topic area mentioned at the end of this post several months ago.) My friend "Greg" usually gets a voice message from me during the garter toss. Sorry, Greg. I couldn't find a phone this time.

she wears Prada, and...

...has devious twin daughters. They get Anne Hathaway 's character into a heap of trouble. The twins are redheads. My people are so misunderstood and maligned... Meryl is undescribably good as Miranda Priestly. Walking back from The Devil Wears Prada yesterday, my friend Peter said, "if someone told me that Meryl Streep could fly through the air like Superman, I'd believe it. I mean, she's Meryl Streep ! " Hate your boss? Go here and make a caricature of them. Try not to get fired (unless that's what you're after).

scanned & presented for your amusement

Blogger shrinks the image a bit, so click here . (Depending on your browser, you may have to click again to magnify.) It's not crude and is totally SFW.

I'm sure the Queen isn't amused

Image
I watched Pop-Up Royals lastnight on CBC, and laughed 'till I cried. Scott Thompson does the most dementedly funny Queen Elizabeth II... he looks half-crazed. I've tried to find old video from The Kids in the Hall where he portrays the Queen telling a little red-haired girl that she's evil and should jump into a lake. "Come on! There's candy at the bottom! Do it for England, dear!" Classic.

b1tch was gayer than me

I had a good weekend. The wedding was fun; my cousin was a beautiful bride; the weather was great. I enjoyed breathing clean air for a change. Brother of the groom: gay. Not my type, but he seemed nice enough. Their family sat at the table next to ours. Overheard during dinner: bitch flew to Chicago to see Madonna in concert. Snap! Out-gayed. (Not that I couldn't have won if I had tried. I can be really gay if I turn it on.)

have fun at pride without me

Image
For gay hubris day gay pride day 2004, I did my laundry. In 2005, I left the city for the weekend. This year, I'm flying to Winnipeg for a wedding. One of these years, I hope to get back into a "pride mood." For now, I've had enough of: the performance stage near my apartment that makes the building vibrate for 2 days the crushing, gawking, flip-flop-wearing, sunscreen-slimy crowds the overflowing portable toilets with the interminable lineups the excessively cautious beer garden rules (also with interminable lineups) Here is a picture of me in 1997, when I had a great time at pride. (It should be noted that I didn't live right in the heart of Church/Wellesley then, so I had a place to "escape" to if I needed a time-out.) Who's that person next to me? I've digitally altered his appearance, but I can tell you that he might be one of my favourite "aunts." Have fun. Wear condoms. I'll see you Tuesday.

puzzling

I had a dream that all of the continents got mixed up. Earth was like a giant three-dimensional puzzle. I got into an argument with Sweden about the placement of something. The United States was no help at all--they just kept arranging North America so that their country was always angled perfectly toward the sun. Happy summer solstice...

personal hygiene 101

Before leaving your domicile for the day, either brush your teeth or gargle with mouthwash. Morning breath in a confined space (like a subway car) is not pleasant. If you think your breath is o.k., you are wrong. Grab a toothbrush, fool.

I really have tried to check out of this hotel

Streep Week continues with this gem from one of my all-time favourite movies, Postcards from the Edge (1990). The song Meryl performs ("I'm Checkin' Out") was nominated for an Academy Award that year. Unfortunately, the clip ends before you can see Meryl really let loose and have some fun with the stage band--Canada's Blue Rodeo . And don't worry about the darkness at the beginning... that's how it's shot.

I didn't mind that Lindsay Lohan was in it

Image
I saw A Prairie Home Companion lastnight, and I was impressed with la Lohan . I'm going to have to rent Mean Girls and the Freaky Friday remake to get caught up on my fellow redhead. Here she is with Meryl: It was a treat to see Meryl Streep perform so many musical numbers. And her laugh! So melodic, so infectious... Oh, and Woody Harrelson should always wear a cowboy hat.

I plotzed (natch)

Image
After I posted the beefcake yesterday morning, a commercial came on the television. I heard "Jump" by Madonna and was treated to my first-ever viewing of the trailer for The Devil Wears Prada . Click on the link to see a clip. June 30th, people! I'm telling you; these are the little things that keep me going. I'm not kidding. Life is an endless montage of disappointment punctuated by moments (many involving the incomparable Meryl Streep) that give me the will to carry on. How will I make it to June 30th? A Prairie Home Companion with Peter on Wednesday (I hope).

hey guys...

Image
If you're shy about showering at the gym, you should know that you draw infinitely more attention to yourself when you shower in your underwear. Remember: the best place to hide something is in plain sight!

the "what planet am I on?" news roundup

From start to finish, June 7 2006 was a day when I literally couldn't believe the news I was reading and hearing. It started with American Morning and a story that nearly caused me to burn myself with the iron. Unfortunately, that segment of the show is the only one that hasn't been transcripted on the website, but you can read about the story in The Kansas City Star . The short-lived gay marriage debate in the U.S. Senate provided this little gem from an incredibly hateful man: SEN. RICK SANT0RUM (R), PENNSYLVANIA: If marriage is not about one man and one woman for the purpose of a relationship of which to have children and continue the society, then... if it's about two women or two men, why not two women and three men? Why not whatever arrangement? If gender doesn't matter anymore, why does number matter? What's the significance? Hi Rick. I would love to see you forcibly married to a horse --but only if you were the passif one in the partnership. On the eve

area code splitting: the true number of the beast

Image
I don't like area code splitting. I think it's the work of the devil. EVIL! EVIL! I have a head for numbers--I remember nearly every phone number I've ever had--and I was pretty good at knowing which major North American cities were served by which area codes. Those days are long-gone. A few years ago, I saw an article in The Atlantic Monthly explaining the origin and planning of area codes. With rotary-dial phones, the easiest area codes to dial were the ones with the least amount of finger travel. Here is a picture of a phone in my office. According to Peter , I use it for "points emergencies." The biggest metropolitan areas were given the best codes. So, New York City got 212, the Los Angeles area got 213, Chicago 312... This of course means that San Francisco (415) was better than Toronto (416), and that Toronto was better than Springfield Missouri (417). * Eventually, area codes were expanded to include zero as a middle digit. Dialing zero on a rot

ever wish you could be a swimsuit?

Image
I do. This one's for Blue Girl :

I can't breathe

The provincial government of Ontario is legislating the living fuck right out of the public smoking issue. Meanwhile, government at the federal level (environment), provincial level (health, highways), and municipal level (public health, transit, parking) stand around doing nothing as we breathe disgustingly polluted and filthy air for the third day in a row. I can always choose not to enter a restaurant or bar where I'll be faced with second-hand cigarette smoke. I can't always choose to flee my city when the air becomes a toxic soup of chemicals. NOW Magazine published a great article last summer with 10 ideas on what we can do to fight smog. Give it a read. If you need me, I'll be sucking on a tailpipe trying to breathe.

good morning Toronto

Image
Here's how some of us had to get to work today--with a smog advisory in place from Environment Canada: To the union leaders of the Toronto Transit Commission: whatever public sympathy you had was already hanging by a thread. This morning's illegal walkout just ran that thread through bleach. Meanwhile, I'm going to try and find one of these for the walk home:

Happy Birthday Stevie!

Image
I've loved her voice for almost as long as I can remember... from the light tone of her lead vocal in Fleetwood Mac's "Rhiannon" (1975) to her lower register in later solo work like "Trouble in Shangri-La" (2001). I had a hard time deciding which song to clip for this post. I decided on "Whenever I Call You Friend" (recorded in 1978 with Kenny Loggins). for more on Stevie, click here

hunk

Image
For your appreciation... inspired by the last post... Nat's husband ... APPRECIATE HIM!

the Chicks are back!

Image
HMV released the new Dixie Chicks album today. (I had the date marked in my calendar... couldn't wait to buy it!) I had time tonight to play the first seven songs, and the group's hellish experiences in 2003 are starkly evident. From "Lubbock or Leave it" (Robison/Maguire/Maines/Campbell): Throwin' stones from the top of your rock Thinkin' no one can see The secrets you hide behind Your southern hospitality But my favourite lyric is from the first single, "Not Ready To Make Nice" (Robison/Maguire/Maines/Wilson): I made my bed and I sleep like a baby With no regrets and I don't mind sayin' It's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger And how in the world can the words that I said Send somebody so over the edge That they'd write me a letter sayin' that I better Shut up and sing or my life will be over I love my Chicks!

Happy Birthday, Queen Victoria

Image
This Ca gay dian is glad he had a holiday today in your honour. And he tries not to immediately associate your reign with the "ring" named after your late husband; rather, he pictures pretty Victorian houses in Cabbagetown with lilacs in full bloom. I had a great week. I exercised five times--a frequency I haven't seen in years--and feel a lot better. I lost a pound, but losing weight isn't my primary focus. (Indeed, I should hope that my activities * built up some muscle mass, thereby reducing the net loss of weight.) I'm sleeping better, more alert in the morning, eating less, and not feeling so guilty about "wasting" the gym membership. Oh, and if you haven't seen the movie in the picture , I highly recommend it. * swimming, resistance training, cardio, swimming, resistance training

taking a week off

During a nap yesterday at my parents' house, I woke up with a pang of anxiety and realized how much money I'm wasting on my gym membership (considering that I never go). A quick check in my 2005 planner confirms that my last visit to the gym was exactly six months ago today. (Blogging started about 8.5 months ago.) This means I've wasted $545.70. Something's gotta give. So, for a week, I'm going to attempt to cut blogging out of my life and insert exercise in its place. With any luck, I'll be able to reintroduce blogging once I'm burning fuel more efficiently and sleeping more soundly.

golden horseshoe meets the rustbelt

I checked three sources ( wikipedia , a U.S. Census Bureau map , and Business Week ) and it would seem fair to conclude that Indianapolis is either in or on the fringes of the rust belt. On Wednesday, indygirl listed a miscellany of facts... among them: FACT: If you blog, there is a 90% chance that you either live in Toronto or Indianapolis. Let's all try and think of some other similarities between Toronto and Indianapolis! both are capitals (provincial/state) Indy has hoosiers; Toronto has hosers (JAJAJAJAJA!) both cities have NBA teams Here's the biggest difference I can see: Indianapolis is just about dead-centre in the middle of the state; Toronto thinks it's in the dead-centre of Ontario (much to the annoyance of people in other parts of the province)

what I feel like today

Image
I didn't sleep very well lastnight. Or the two nights before that. I'm so overtired that I'm slurring my words and tripping over my own feet. It took me two and a half hours to get myself to work this morning--only to find that I couldn't unlock the door. (I had brought my laundry card instead of my i.d. card...) All... systems... shutting... down...

Happy Birthday Auntie

Today is the birthday of Your Judgemental Aunt . Here's a little song for you, bizzatch! ("Happy Birthday" by Concrete Blonde) Outside in the hall there’s a catfight It’s just after midnight I guess I’ll be alright I’m laid out on the floor Drunk and poor How much longer how much more? Rock me to sleep Strong and deep The screaming cats they give me the creeps But aside from all that I feel no pain Staring up at the ceiling stain Neon in the window Sirens far away News on the radio Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday They’re at it again next door This whole floor I swear They’re out to drive me crazy But not right now I’m high as a cloud I’m soft and gray and lazy Smokin' out the window Feelin' far away News on the radio Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday Fly me out the window Somewhere far away News on the radio Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday Happy birthday, happy birthday, happy birthday

clarification: I am not a MTF transsexual

Image
I am not planning on having this done: I loved their movie characters, but I do not aspire to be one: And despite a certain "Swiffering" incident in 2003... ...I have no designs on becoming:

out the bus window

Image
This morning, I looked out the window of the bus and saw a beautiful Mercedes C-class sedan in the next lane. I studied the graceful curve of the rear door frame (where it meets the C pillar)... it seemed almost organic. Divinely designed. The sun glinted off the deep metallic paint... I don't know why, but I was instantly reminded of a trip to Sandbanks Provincial Park in the summer of 2001. I was with my (then) boyfriend, and we didn't drive there in a Mercedes.

Pieces of Enchanted, Tragic April

I've never really liked April. Specifically, I don't like spring--but it manifests itself as an anti-April bias. The light in April can be really harsh: you have the sunlight angle of August, without the softening effects of foliage. The ground can be muddy, and it reveals all sorts of winter-buried treasure like dog poo and corpses of small animals. In university, I detested April because of the stress of final exams and overdue papers. Later in life, I got fired from a job, and lost two grandparents--all in a 10-day stretch of April. Easter often falls in April. As a child, I perceived the holiday as a big disconnect: we're observing the death of Christ by painting eggs in beautiful pastel colours and eating chocolate. I'm always glad when it's over. see also: "The tragic month of April" Wikipedia entry

the drum beats out of time

Ever notice how the cursor on a computer, or the turn signal in your car (or its windshield wipers--except in Eddie Rabbit songs )... ever notice how they never quite seem to match the beat of the song playing? You'll be fooled for a few seconds-- hey, they're in sync! --but then it gradually moves out of phase.

last-ditch Gay-lileo plan

What if I quit my job, sold the car, lived on my nest egg, and devoted the bulk of my time to getting back into shape? Could I land a rich husband? I had this thought recently. Immediately, it made me think of my favourite Star Trek episode, The Galileo Seven . Spock is in command of the Galileo shuttlecraft, which is in trouble after a crash-landing. The crew have managed to get back into space, but a lack of fuel leaves them with few options. The Enterprise cannot divert from its course to fully search for them, and is about to stop scanning. Spock dumps and ignites Galileo's fuel, which has the effect of creating a huge distress flare. The Enterprise picks it up and saves the Galileo's crew, just as the powerless shuttle begins to plummet back to the planet. "Mr. Spock, that was a good gamble--perhaps it was worth it," says Scott.

I'm gonna (cashew) nut...

Image
This is Dane Cook, and when I saw him on SNL talking about having an amazing erecti0n--one that he was very proud of, and that lasted even as he walked into his kitchen, placed a cashew nut on the tip, and flicked it up into his open mouth--I practically crawled into my television set screaming "I love cashews!"

to the gay guy on the 509/510 to Union Station, evening of 4/19/2006

(subtitle: too much self-confidence) we all heard you talking "Omigod! I can't stand her! She's so trailer-park!" "yip yip gay yip bla gay bla bla like like like flaming " some of us continued to hear you talking on the subway platform at Union some of us were quite far away your hairdo made your head look like it had just been pulled from a birth canal nice Von Dutch purse it sure was bright down there in the subway, wasn't it? good thing you had your jLo shades oh, and Vinnie Barbarino called he needs his jeans back if you saw me staring, it was just because I was willing (with my imagination, à la Joan Allen's character in The Upside of Anger ) your head to explode, or for you to trip on your Euro-techno-sneakers and fall in front of the train the driver would've had to activate the windscreen wiper it would have been decidedly not " glam "

j0rg3 Googled r0ug3... real nice and slow

Image
George Larson got a bit Google-ey tonight and found some art with the same title as my Blogger handle. This resulted from a gmail exchange we had about the name "Ennis." During this exchange, j0rg3 told me to "think like an American moron." I'm going to assume that he intended not to put a comma after the word American . An American might not have the same deference to authority (or copyright law) that I do as a Canadian. So here are some screen-captures of George's findings: - for a reference to the artists' work, click on the pictures and view the url in the address window of the screen caps - yes, I realize that writing this footnote makes me a rule-obeying Canadian

movie review: An Unfinished Life

Not since Matthew McConaughey played a cop in Boys on the Side has a police officer in a movie turned me on as much as Josh Lucas in An Unfinished Life . That's it. Josh Lucas=hot. End of review.

The Simpsons episode 8F16

Image
Alright, commenters, message received. Keep an upbeat attitude. Go on a date. And laugh... Lisa: Maybe we should write her another letter. One that says goodbye, but lets her feel loved. Homer: Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my specialty. (Homer rips off a sheet of paper and starts writing.) "Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: you."

the m4m trifecta and me

This post is an expansion on why I cried last Friday. It also explains why I dread Valentine's Day. The m4m * players: "C" - looks very much like me, except shorter. Works near me; we sometimes bump into each other. Nothing ever happened. "L" - I actually met (& slept) with him some years back. I was crushing; him--not so much. We lost touch after he moved away. "K" - probably one of my top 5 "Internet meets" ( not meat)... could not be more my type Valentine's Day 2005: I'm getting coffee across the street. C is also getting coffee, and surprise! He's with L . I ask L when he got back to Toronto, and find out that he "moved back for this guy." (He points to C .) Summer 2005: While on a Church Street patio, I see someone who looks very much like K . Since I've only met K online, I find an appropriate moment and introduce myself. "Hey, I thought you looked familiar, too" he says. We chat. I find

"gifts" from Peter

Image
Too Busy Living likes to give me things that stress me out, make me laugh, or clutter my apartment. Sometimes, the idea backfires on him (as was the case with my trickle Zen fountain, which I still have and use); sometimes, I refuse to take the items with me and they end up getting used by the donor (as was the case with the "Hello Kitty" slippers). These three books * were donated to the library in my building's laundry room. The family scrapbook was gone by the time my clothes were dry. These items are still looking for a good home: * Peter, I removed the pages you inscribed and saved them. I'm not totally heartless.