But I don't know oh
How I'm gonna get through - Dusty Springfield
I broke down crying twice today (Friday). The first time was in my office. A coworker sent me a clip from The Montel Williams Show about a dog who--missing her front legs--had learned how to walk upright. It was the most adorable dog. The owner has a book out; I may cave in and buy it. I fucking bawled.
The second time was upon my return home. It was a shit day to finish off a shit week. A lot of feeling sorry for myself, and very little sleep. I put on my Pet Shop Boys cd and listened to my theme song. I know the words are melancholy, but I've always been cheered up by the music itself. Tonight, it made me cry. I wept, as I searched for the e-mail informing me of a family member's surgery date. Oh. Today.
With the crying abated, and a couple of phonecalls placed, I was on an even keel again. Try and think of someone other than yourself. Guess if a hysterectomy hurts or not...
I changed my clothes and went back out to catch a streetcar to meet up with friends for dinner. I'm waiting by a group of newspaper boxes, and happen to look down at the one I'm standing in front of. There's an address label affixed to it, and printed on the label is the following quote:
Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. - Emily Dickinson
It was one of those surreal city moments where you are caught off guard. Had someone printed off a bunch of Avery labels with Emily Dickinson quotes and set off to plaster them at random points across the city? Was I meant to see this quote, and not take a taxi to the restaurant? Was it meaningful that my first impression was, "fuck you, Emily! Life is devoid of ecstasy! The mere sense of living is enough to make me want to suck on a tailpipe!"