Saturday, April 08, 2006

Emily Dickinson graffiti

But I don't know oh
How I'm gonna get through - Dusty Springfield

I broke down crying twice today (Friday). The first time was in my office. A coworker sent me a clip from The Montel Williams Show about a dog who--missing her front legs--had learned how to walk upright. It was the most adorable dog. The owner has a book out; I may cave in and buy it. I fucking bawled.

The second time was upon my return home. It was a shit day to finish off a shit week. A lot of feeling sorry for myself, and very little sleep. I put on my Pet Shop Boys cd and listened to my theme song. I know the words are melancholy, but I've always been cheered up by the music itself. Tonight, it made me cry. I wept, as I searched for the e-mail informing me of a family member's surgery date. Oh. Today.

With the crying abated, and a couple of phonecalls placed, I was on an even keel again. Try and think of someone other than yourself. Guess if a hysterectomy hurts or not...

I changed my clothes and went back out to catch a streetcar to meet up with friends for dinner. I'm waiting by a group of newspaper boxes, and happen to look down at the one I'm standing in front of. There's an address label affixed to it, and printed on the label is the following quote:

Find ecstasy in life; the mere sense of living is joy enough. - Emily Dickinson

It was one of those surreal city moments where you are caught off guard. Had someone printed off a bunch of Avery labels with Emily Dickinson quotes and set off to plaster them at random points across the city? Was I meant to see this quote, and not take a taxi to the restaurant? Was it meaningful that my first impression was, "fuck you, Emily! Life is devoid of ecstasy! The mere sense of living is enough to make me want to suck on a tailpipe!"

16 comments:

tornwordo said...

I watched American Beauty last night. It helps.

There are no coincidences, right?

toobusyliving said...

I would have been a mess. Wish I had been one of those returned calls, I felt sad too :(

Butchieboy said...

Jimmy, would it make you feel better if I got Mitzzee to yell at me?

Jason said...

Maybe... MadamR, Mitzzee, YJA and I are going to a party tonight. She has never met YJA before. Should be interesting.

Anonymous said...

omg have you seen the cute pictures of President Bush's scottie Barney: http://www.whitehouse.gov/barney/

Marc

Butchieboy said...

OMG! Let me know how it turns out!!!!

Butchieboy said...

OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!

The Persian said...

Isn't it amazing how the same song can give you a rush one second and another send you into tears?

Tori Amos can do that to me and has many times.

*GIANT HUG*

:)

teh l4m3 said...

Yeah, no shit, huh? What do dead American hermit poetesses know, anyway? JUST WHO THE FUCK DOES THAT EMILY BITCH THINK SHE IS???

Miss Thistle said...

At least you got the tasty pork tenderloin for dinner on Friday. That stoopid pizza gave me intestinal issues. That sense of living was certainly no joy.

Kunstemæcker said...

life is full of ecstacy, full of it, and I can never get enough!

your judgemental aunt said...

once again - I suggest a new theme song. Dusty only leads to pain.

Dead Robot said...

If you must use a PSB song for a theme, choose Se A Vida E (Thats the way life is) from Bilingual.

It mentions going outside into the sun. You need Vitamin D.

Avoid "Being Boring", "Bet She's Not Your Girlfriend", Miserablism", "Losing My Mind (with Liza)" or "So Hard" as your theme song. They're just too damned sad.

Carrie said...

life is what you make it.

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Sweet Pea, how many times do we have to take away the Pet Shop Boys before you understand you cannot listen to that? You just can't.

toobusyliving said...

Less Emily Dickinson and more new posts.