I always win

1 Girl 5 Gays grindr Johnny Weir Adam Lambert gay characters on 90210 omg my school won't let me take my boyfriend to prom and then there's this progress is essential; even nice it's also hard-won and ongoing

I could never remember my Chinese Zodiac sign. A couple of years ago — while engaging in emotional eating at Mandarin ("Gung Hay Fat Choy!") — I looked up my birth year (1970) on the paper placemat. "Neat!" I thought. " Year of the Dog ... I like dogs!" I took the placemat home, clipped out my sign, and put it on my bulletin board. This morning, my friend Penelope sent me a link to a "birthday calculator" website. Just for shits & giggles, I plugged in my d.o.b. SHOCKER! I'm not Year of the Dog after all... I'm Year of the Rooster ! 20 minutes of Internet research confirms that I am, indeed, a cock. I was born in early 1970 — before the switch from Rooster to Dog. I now have to re-evaluate my entire life. All of those failed relationships with Snakes and Dragons ? Bah! Folly. That cool, Aquarian distance I'm sometimes guilty of exhibiting? Replace that Dog trait with the eccentric, loner-ish tendencies of the Roo...

when waiting for a guy to call, the frequency of trivial/annoying phonecalls from your mother increases your apartment is never cleaner than when you are expecting a second date "I would really like to see you again" translates into "I am going to ignore you for a week" "maybe we could get together on Labour Day for coffee" means "you're a monster; fuck off and die" it's all your fault for proactively following up with a phonecall on the tentative second date day the gods will punish you for viewing the world through refreshed, "I have a second date" eyes there is no such thing as a second date in your reality, so this list is shit

I have often thought that CNN's Jack Cafferty and Sam the Eagle from The Muppet Show were very similar. Senior, learned voices struggling to be heard in a din of youthful boisterousness. The types who would be most apt to remind us that having no knowledge of the past dooms us to repeat it. Clucking their tongues in disapproval. My heroes! In James Wolcott 's column "Flooding the Spin Zone" ( Vanity Fair , November 2005), Jack Cafferty is given the props he so justly deserves. Analyzing the coverage of hurricane Katrina, Wolcott examines CNN's new program The Situation Room and my Jack, writing that Cafferty's "ire showered the mediascape with volcanic ash." Jack'll call the world on its bullshit, that much is for sure. Wolcott continues his dissection of Cafferty and in particular his pairing with Wolf Blitzer ("inspired casting") by writing that "Blitzer maintains a lack of affect whatever Cafferty's provocations, b...

I have a bit of a thing for cops. When I consider what happened to me today, I'm surprised I didn't drop dead. There was a police protest march in Toronto this morning. Unfortunately, its start point was right where I work. I pulled into my usual parking lot. There were already lots of police officers milling about. I waited behind a couple of other cars and finally pulled up to the cashier's booth. He said, "I'm sorry, parking today is for police only. Go to the next lot." By this time, there were vehicles behind me and cops on foot everywhere. I blurted out, "you mean I can't park here because of this bullshit?" That's when one of the nearby officers' ears perked up. "What do you mean, bullshit? " he asked. I glared at him and powered my window up. So now I had to do a three-point turn and exit. This wasn't easy, because the enormous outdoor parking lot was now spilling out cops heading to the protest. Have you...