I always win

After a long weekend of immobilisé (and a life-long battle with emotional eating, I decided to take action: I embarked on The Dukan Diet . I began making preparations earlier this week. I sought advice from a friend who lost 50 lbs on Dukan. I purchased the book, an electronic scale, and some kit items to bring my attack & cruise phase lunches to work. After reading the first couple of chapters, I had enough information to go grocery shopping. (I'm such an assimilator .) I began the diet this morning. I'm not hungry, and I feel fine... for the most part. (I briefly daydreamed about freshly-baked bread with butter, and when a coworker announced they were going on a coffee run, I jokingly put in an order for a mixing bowl full of doughnut holes, a quart of homogenized milk, and a big spoon.) That's the problem, right there: I'm a carb & fat addict. I realized this over Christmas, when I read The End of Overeating by Dr. David Kessler. I've put in an ...

My friends and I have all freaked out about how young Taylor Lautner is (born in 1992). But as Ellen danced to C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" today, I realized that Lautner was born after that song came out. It charted a full year before he was born. Oh, and Madonna's "Vogue" ? Released almost two years before Lautner's birth. I decided to re-write the lyrics to "Vogue". It's how I feel this morning. what are you looking at? old, old break a hip break a hip look around, everywhere you turn it's walkers they're everywhere that you go you try everything you can to stand up and not die in the bathtub when your health fails and you long to be someone younger than you are today I know a place where you can get away it's called dementia and you get it when you're old, old feel your body break to the music hey hey hey fuckin' old let your body go with the flow you know you have De...

I'll love you forever . GM , you suck. You left the brand to grow dusty on the shelf, where it atrophied and ultimately died.

Stephen (the guy I was seeing; the one I so foolishly thought I was going to marry ) ended things this morning. Over the phone. While he was driving to his eighth straight day at work. I've been robbed of the dignity I would've had by ending things first. We've had many problems in our very short time together. From early on, I found it difficult to adjust to his unpredictable and erratic behaviour. On our second date, he said "I already know how I'm going to propose to you." On our third date, he (jokingly) said "I know it's early, but will you marry me?" I laughed it off, but later that evening, I did tell him that I loved him. He responded with "I think I love you too." He had a business trip to the UK after our third date. He called me daily. One evening (while drunk), he said "I do love you, you know that... right?" He was honest from the beginning about his shortcomings: he smoked too much pot, he was terrible...

06:30 a.m. - up 08:15 a.m. - ultrasound at Sunnybrook 09:05 a.m. - another tech comes into room for advice, leaving door open 09:06 a.m. - people in hall walk by and see me in my underwear / hospital gown 09:07 a.m. - get up from gurney and close door, loudly 09:15 a.m. - wipe up lube, dress, head to lab for bloodwork 09:30 a.m. - leave hospital, drive south on Bayview 09:40 a.m. - massive traffic jam, due to closure of Bayview extension 09:55 a.m. - after doubling back up to Eglinton Ave. East, drive to DVP 10:05 a.m. - cut off by burgundy Jeep Liberty refusing to let me merge onto DVP 10:06 a.m. - watch Jeep Liberty make illegal lane change, southbound at Don Mills 10:07 a.m. - watch Jeep Liberty change lanes again while cutting off bus 10:08 a.m. - get caught behind a light blue Jaguar driving way underneath limit 10:09 a.m. - pass Jaguar, notice driver is reading newspaper 10:20 a.m. - arrive at work to "start" my day! 09:20 p.m. - find out I didn't get awesome gover...

What does one do upon realizing one has ostensibly wasted the last 11½ years of one's life? from Cause and Effect , Star Trek: TNG , season 5

A freshly-showered friend in your car smells like your ex. The Tuesday night movie is the same one you went to see, by yourself, at the theatre six years ago on a night you knew your boyfriend was cheating on you. You are so miserable at your job that it permeates all aspects of your life. You know that if you don't do something about it, not only will you still be there in 10 years, you'll also be 46, single, and bitter beyond belief (even more so than now). You keep a car that's putting you in debt just so that you have a way to escape a city you don't like living in. It's a city that has kicked your ass, but it has the largest population of gay men in your homo-marriage-legal country. Critical mass. 'Cause where else is a gay guy gonna meet another gay guy? The country? Maybe in a pr0n video. On the weekends you actually do stay in the city, you don't go out. You've even given up on the Internet. Five years of serious trolling, and all you...

I didn't sleep very well lastnight. Or the two nights before that. I'm so overtired that I'm slurring my words and tripping over my own feet. It took me two and a half hours to get myself to work this morning--only to find that I couldn't unlock the door. (I had brought my laundry card instead of my i.d. card...) All... systems... shutting... down...

I've never really liked April. Specifically, I don't like spring--but it manifests itself as an anti-April bias. The light in April can be really harsh: you have the sunlight angle of August, without the softening effects of foliage. The ground can be muddy, and it reveals all sorts of winter-buried treasure like dog poo and corpses of small animals. In university, I detested April because of the stress of final exams and overdue papers. Later in life, I got fired from a job, and lost two grandparents--all in a 10-day stretch of April. Easter often falls in April. As a child, I perceived the holiday as a big disconnect: we're observing the death of Christ by painting eggs in beautiful pastel colours and eating chocolate. I'm always glad when it's over. see also: "The tragic month of April" Wikipedia entry

references: Skylab my life

"Lovin' Every Minute of It" by Loverboy I especially like this line: Turn that dial all the way Shoot me like a rocket into space Can I be on the Challenger , Mike? How about Soyuz 1 ?

I blame most of it on being called into work on Saturday. Ordinarily, I stand a pretty good chance of landing in a "valley" after a "peak" such as my trip to Spain. Good times can't last indefinitely, my brain tells me. If I could have spent Saturday napping and leisurely getting ready for the two Christmas parties I was expected at that night, it might have turned out differently. I might have had some more fun. Instead, I got home from work exhausted and fell asleep at 8:30 p.m. I turned off my phone, crawled into bed, and slept for 14h. Monday, I not only missed work but also medical tests necessary for an upcoming procedure (a procedure that's causing me inordinate amounts of stress). But yesterday's small miracle was that I had a shower and brushed my teeth. Baby steps. Today, I'm literally forcing myself to go get those missed medical tests from yesterday and head to work after that. I have Cyndi Lauper to look forward to with Jason...

I don't know whether it's what I ate this weekend (a bag of Doritos, an entire BP pizza, a half bucket of Fudgsicle ice cream, a box of Kraft Dinner), or my sleeping habits (up all night Friday, sleeping all day Saturday and Sunday), or my Friday get-together with someone I know is bad news (nearly incoherent on t...), or the picture of the ny state sheriff on the front page of a couple of local dailies today, but I am a complete mess.