I always win

In a graphic display of vulnerability and weakness, I called Stephen on March 10th. In tears. I hadn't heard from him since his expressway breakup phone call , and I lost my shit . He talked me down from my emotional ledge, and we're in occasional contact now. Healthy contact. His perspective: things are parked, but not over. My perspective: I'll probably never forget that he chose career over love . I'm going out on dates with other guys, but it might be too soon. In a rare moment of clarity and focus, I decided on an action plan for returning to school (and ultimately work) — graphic design . I'm working with my Second Career counsellor to get everything in place. With any luck, I'll be starting a 28-week program at a Toronto graphic design school in July. So, despite my unemployed status, my time is taken up with research and prep work.* I'm behind in my blog reading. (Sorry.) * oh, who am I kidding? I'm still addicted to television, In...

It's cold outside! But if you dress appropriately, it's not so bad. In this picture, Colton Ford demonstrates the benefits of thermal underwear.

Thursday night I dreamed I was having a hot and heavy affair with Colton Ford . It wasn't so much a sexually detailed dream as it was emotionally intense . Colton was already in a relationship in my dream. We were cheating. Plus, he was a guest where I work, which can so get me fired in real life. The theme of unavailable men continued on Saturday night at a Christmas party in Cabbagetown. A few weeks ago, the host told me about a hot twentysomething that he thought would be perfect for me. And I met him at the party. Hot, most definitely. But my friend left out a crucial detail: the partner of several years. Another party guest was a seriously tall & cute guy I met last winter. Partnered, according to reports. Well, after six drinks, I found a moment to tell the tall guy how attractive he was, and to ask if he was still in a relationship. He replied that he was. Tall guy was exceptionally gracious and kind about the whole thing--and spent quite a bit of the remai...

What is it about Friday that makes my mind drift to hunky men? I seem to remember "beefcake Friday" over at Republic of Dogs . Auntie and Thistle have their " who'd ya do?" (although that's sometimes about choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea). Entry number five on my Top Ten List is Colton Ford . APPRECIATE HIM! One of these days I'll pick up Naked Fame at the store and learn more about his foray into the music business. I'll be honest, though: he first grabbed my attention as an adult film star, and that's where he'll always have a place in my, um, heart. Woof! Previous entries on my list are linked here . - note to tehl4m3 : careful, you're still on watch - note to Timmy : your e-mail appears to be broken. (I tried!)

A freshly-showered friend in your car smells like your ex. The Tuesday night movie is the same one you went to see, by yourself, at the theatre six years ago on a night you knew your boyfriend was cheating on you. You are so miserable at your job that it permeates all aspects of your life. You know that if you don't do something about it, not only will you still be there in 10 years, you'll also be 46, single, and bitter beyond belief (even more so than now). You keep a car that's putting you in debt just so that you have a way to escape a city you don't like living in. It's a city that has kicked your ass, but it has the largest population of gay men in your homo-marriage-legal country. Critical mass. 'Cause where else is a gay guy gonna meet another gay guy? The country? Maybe in a pr0n video. On the weekends you actually do stay in the city, you don't go out. You've even given up on the Internet. Five years of serious trolling, and all you...