I always win

I could never remember my Chinese Zodiac sign. A couple of years ago — while engaging in emotional eating at Mandarin ("Gung Hay Fat Choy!") — I looked up my birth year (1970) on the paper placemat. "Neat!" I thought. " Year of the Dog ... I like dogs!" I took the placemat home, clipped out my sign, and put it on my bulletin board. This morning, my friend Penelope sent me a link to a "birthday calculator" website. Just for shits & giggles, I plugged in my d.o.b. SHOCKER! I'm not Year of the Dog after all... I'm Year of the Rooster ! 20 minutes of Internet research confirms that I am, indeed, a cock. I was born in early 1970 — before the switch from Rooster to Dog. I now have to re-evaluate my entire life. All of those failed relationships with Snakes and Dragons ? Bah! Folly. That cool, Aquarian distance I'm sometimes guilty of exhibiting? Replace that Dog trait with the eccentric, loner-ish tendencies of the Roo...

I watched Pop-Up Royals lastnight on CBC, and laughed 'till I cried. Scott Thompson does the most dementedly funny Queen Elizabeth II... he looks half-crazed. I've tried to find old video from The Kids in the Hall where he portrays the Queen telling a little red-haired girl that she's evil and should jump into a lake. "Come on! There's candy at the bottom! Do it for England, dear!" Classic.