Friday, July 07, 2006

We're WASPs. There's no talking.

I forgot to mention: at the wedding I attended, I did my usual trick of disappearing during the garter toss. (I fucking hate the garter toss.)

I have been at three weddings in under a year where my parents were also guests. Apparently, my vanishing act hasn't gone unnoticed.

Kill me. Kill me, now.

(No, I unfortunately haven't made any headway in the topic area mentioned at the end of this post several months ago.)

My friend "Greg" usually gets a voice message from me during the garter toss. Sorry, Greg. I couldn't find a phone this time.

23 comments:

indygirl said...

Your parents don't know???!!!??

Adorable Girlfriend said...

MR: What do you think stops you from telling them?

madamerouge said...

On some level, I'm sure they know. But they have not been--how shall I put this lightly--"OK" with g-a-y stuff in the past, and despite indications of moderate "lightening up," it's still a tense, uncomfortable topic for us all. We prefer not to acknowledge the pink elephant in the room, thank you very much. Another vodka tonic / Crown Royal? Yes, please!

(I can't wait for Peter to weigh in with all sorts of pithy contributions.)

Timmy said...

belly's are cute!

Timmy said...

oh, the rents! SHIT MME! what the hell?!?!

Natasha said...

Everyone else knows so why shouldn't your parents, of all people!!! They're not going to stop loving you!!!!

P.S. You brought it up.

Salem said...

I can follow most of this, but what the hell is Tim talking about?

Timmy said...

"the rents" aka the parents, fool!

indygirl said...

bellies ARE cute!

Crucible said...

We wasps are good at avoiding.

I always thought my parents were crystal clear on this subject too being rather relegious and all. But to my huge surprise, they are ok with it. One of my dad's cousins in Holland turned out to be gay - got kicked out of his church - big kafuffle. Anyway, when faced with it you never can tell. Who knows, it may be good for them, too.

your judgemental aunt said...

If you catch the garter you are not actually forced to marry a girl. Breath easy and just don't catch it.

your judgemental aunt said...

if you tell your mom she might puke right?

your judgemental aunt said...

maybe if you tell them your parents might take you shopping for a new leather jacket like one of our friends parents did?

madamerouge said...

avoidance coping: it's how I roll

projectile vomiting is a distinct possibility

_______


why are we also talking about "bellies" ??

Timmy said...

bellies - because whenI read that previous post, I thought you were saying that you havent made any head way in the area of a smaller belly or larger boyfriend. That is WHY WE ARE TALKING ABOUT BELLIES!

toobusyliving said...

Trust your instints; if you think they will immediately stop loving you if they "find out" you are a homosexual then you are probably right. You know them best, what do we know?

Paul said...

You know your parents aren't retarded right? 1. You live in just about the gayest apartment in gaytown. 2. you have sewn curtains with your mother. 3. you think Martha Stewart is a god. 4. your parents are aware of your love for Meryl Streep. 5. perhaps the biggest signal, you have never had a girlfriend and are 36 years old.

Tell them. They'll cry. They'll get upset. They'll deal in the end.

Maybe you can even get a leather coat out of it like me.

madamerouge said...

LMAO @ everyone

I think I'll just take the same approach as my car and my debt: procrastination.

Nölff said...

They always point that thing at me like I'm supposed to get married or something. jeah right!

Salem said...

You'll never outgay the brother of the groom with that handicap.

your judgemental aunt said...

Dear Mrs. Rouge,
Your boy is gay. Yes gay. Please vomit now so I may continue. Thank you.
Even once you get comfortable with the gay thing there's something else you'll have to get comfortable with. Are you ready? When he brings home that special someone it won't be like in the movies and TV shows. You know where the son brings a handsome strapping young man home for the parents to meet. You know the guy that looks like a model, is very successful and makes you feel comfortable telling you small town friends about the situation. No, what you'll get is a fat hairy man aka a "Bear".
Yep, your son loves them big and meaty. If you're still not sure what I mean by "Bear" just do a search on Google for "gay bear" and you'll get the idea. These are the kinds of guys that make you son say "Woof!". Oh, you don't know what Woof! means. Just ask your boy it's another thing that may surprise you.

PS You may want to Google "pig sex" so you can truly understand your boy.
Good luck and FYI Stephen Harper no longer wants your vote.

madamerouge said...

Well, Salem, it's like I said to Greg: even though the brother of the groom outgayed me, and even though Greg is going to outgay me (bizzatch is flying to Amsterdam to see Madge in August), no one can take away the pleasure and laughter I brought to the people I went to see Cher with in 2003 (including Peter, Jason, and, on the way out, a couple of lesbians from Scranton PA). You see, I was doing an imitation of Jack (from Will & Grace) imitating Cher.

"If I could turn back tiii-i-i-ome... tiii-i-i-ome... Lookit me! I'm a lesbian that has been exposed to nuclear waste..."

(I may have been under the influence.)

Good times.


__________


Auntie, you are so going to hell for that.

Kieran said...

Surely if you live in Canada then everything's going to be all right.