Monday, June 09, 2008

lizards

I've come to the conclusion that people who enjoy hot, humid weather are part reptile. Please allow me to explain...

If you were on the southbound 6 Bay bus at 8:40 this morning, I was the guy in the aviators (wearing a shirt & tie) with rivulets of perspiration flowing down his forehead, nose, earlobes, and neck. I'm sorry. I was clean, and I was wearing anti-perspirant... but it was stuffy as Hell in the back of that bus, and for some reason, most of the windows were closed. The relative humidity this morning was well into the 60% range, and it was already near 30°C with the humidex.

(The bus was one of the old GM "fishbowls"... no air conditioning.)

I had grabbed the only available seat, next to a non-opening rear window.

I stared at a girl sitting in the back corner of the bus &mdash next to one of the closed windows &mdash and I couldn't figure out how she was surviving. Other people were starting to open windows, but the bus was stuck in traffic and there was no air flow. This girl just sat in the baking sun and stifling air, completely unaffected. In other words, like a lizard sunning herself on a rock.

(Making the ride even more torturous was the person next to me with an iPod, listening to some sort of caterwauling that I can only presume was Jordin Sparks.)

Luckily, I caught an air-conditioned 97 Yonge bus home. I saw more lizards at Yonge-Dundas Square, where a cosmetics company was touching up people's makeup for the Luminato festival. I laughed out loud: where would you start? The frizzy hair, or the makeup sliding down people's faces in the muggy late afternoon heat?

These people should be studied.

13 comments:

Steven said...

I don't sweat.

I glow.

Butchie said...

You just ride the bus to hook up with hot vagrant dudes.

Jason said...

Got lonerz for u on Saturday. :(

Like you, heat DESTROYS me. My gum transplant was more pleasurable than a day in this heat.

Butchie said...

I'm at work, so it's a pain in the ass to respond to emails. I am not flooded. My basement had a little trickle of water that didn't get anything wet (at least not my pool table). The roof leaked a little in the den. My aunt, however, had to be evacuated by boat. Her house is fucked. Also, all the water from my yard flows downhill to the edge of my property, over a cement wall and into the neighbor's yard, which now is a lake.

In a completely unrelated incident, my air did go out for 24 hours. My dog also crapped on the kitchen floor and I almost shot a coyote three days ago. Sweet.

madamerouge said...

Send me pics of hot IUPUI frat guys sandbagging! DO IT!

Snooze said...

I don't like hot weather unless it is that disgusting unavoidable heat. Then I glory in it. Just give in and enjoy the caress of the sun!

Jason said...

It's less of a caress and more like a hot sweaty Jabba the Hutt sitting on my lap.

Jack said...

I was once in a fishbowl bus on my way home from middle school. This bus was particularly crowded, and the homeless man pressing against me was particularly dirty, smelly, and underdressed. Some oh-so-funny kids further back were splashing cologne onto him. And into my eye. Funny, just seeing that bus brought back several memories.

Salem said...

i like the fishbowls

Jenn said...

lol jordan sparks. i like this post, and am admittedly, a reptile.

George Larson said...

Do the watermelon-caterwaul...

Butchie said...

ONE
TWO
THREE

TAG!

Phronk said...

I used to be a sweaty bastard, but then I lived in North Carolina for a summer, where it's just stifling humid hot 24 hours a day, and my body used up its lifetime supply of sweat. Now, around here, even the hottest days feel OK.