Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Rouge? Non... bleu.

A freshly-showered friend in your car smells like your ex. The Tuesday night movie is the same one you went to see, by yourself, at the theatre six years ago on a night you knew your boyfriend was cheating on you. You are so miserable at your job that it permeates all aspects of your life. You know that if you don't do something about it, not only will you still be there in 10 years, you'll also be 46, single, and bitter beyond belief (even more so than now).

You keep a car that's putting you in debt just so that you have a way to escape a city you don't like living in. It's a city that has kicked your ass, but it has the largest population of gay men in your homo-marriage-legal country. Critical mass. 'Cause where else is a gay guy gonna meet another gay guy? The country? Maybe in a pr0n video.

On the weekends you actually do stay in the city, you don't go out. You've even given up on the Internet. Five years of serious trolling, and all you have to show for it are stories that your friends bring up at parties to embarrass you.

Sometimes you think that you're a chameleon, because your sense of self is just bled in from what's around you. How can you know what you want to do with your life when you don't know who you are? You watch House and Grey's Anatomy and you wish you were a doctor. You watch the schmaltzy music video for Grey's Anatomy on the website, and you wish you were the singer. As tears stream down your face, 'cause you're such a maudlin wuss.

26 comments:

Adorable Girlfriend said...

Yes, but we all love you and that's worth more than some jerkwad ex boyfriend or the money you could put in the bank for what? To buy a house far away where you don't see any of your beloved friends?

tornwordo said...

Surround yourself with friends and quit the damn job. The thing you do the most in life (work) should not be torture.

If you'll have it, I'm sending love.

toobusyliving said...

See! It's all about F-W-I-E-N-D-S!

Jason said...

A new job is definitely in order.

indygirl said...

Shake things up friend!

Crucible said...

whoa, sorry to hear you are so down right now. You know things will turn around and I hope its soon for you.

Nölff said...

sacré bleu, Rouge

Nölff said...

sacré bleu, Rouge

Nölff said...

sacré bleu, Rouge

Nölff said...

echo

Miss Thistle said...

Hugs for Madame.

Paul said...

HUGS...

your judgemental aunt said...

look, i'm not even going to be mean.
it's summertime. enjoy yourself. get outside. see the city. go to the ago or a concert at harbourfront. maybe you could volunteer somewhere (there are lots of places that need help). get involved in some organized activities like volleyball, bowling, curling or badminton. take a fitness class at the YMCA. take some night school classes in stuff you know nothing about (they're cheap and start in september) all these things will make you feel regenerated and excited. life is what you make it so make the best of it.
this is my once a year pep talk so you're safe for another year. hopefully next year you'll be the one giving the pep talk!

i'll take some night courses with you if you want. just let me know. I may even join curling ;)

teh l4m3 said...

FWIW, I'd give you a good reaming, and cuddle afterwards. And it wouldn't be some sort of pity shit, either...

madamerouge said...

OK look, dudes. This post was written in the second person ("you"). It's just some random crap. I get along wonderfully with my ex. I don't cry to Snow Patrol songs. That would be emo, and I'm not down with that.

Natasha said...

What's a pr0n movie? Do you mean 'porn?'

...and by the way, we can't afford the hotels in Hawaii if you quit your job. At least suffer for another couple of years for your selfish sister-in-law.

=)

Timmy said...

((((HUGE HUGS!))))

Miss Thistle said...

You did NOT just call Snow Patrol emo!!1!1!

Anonymous said...

i loved YJA comment... I am going to take Italian ...yeah..now ia m happy too

madamerouge said...

Thistle, crying to the Snow Patrol song would be emo. Moot point, 'cause I didn't do it. I also didn't do it in my office this afternoon, when my coworker walked in for a visit.

Jason said...

The weather should cheer you up. It's working for me.

Shora said...

Jeez, I'm glad this wasn't written about you.

Miss ya... come for a drink some night soon. It's cooler now.

Anonymous said...

hey, at least it's now finally friday right?? happy weekend! jooles.

Carrie said...

i keep a car that's putting me in debt, or keeping me in debt and its a shitbox about to breakdown, but again, same reason, to escape the city, only i have no where to escape to and no money to escape with.....i feel your pain and sorrow....alas for now we have our looks (actually not really in my case, but you do) and every str8t man i know is either in a relationship, too young or too old, where does that leave me.....having scones and biscuits on Friday evenings watching House with Mloyd in 10 yrs sans kids....get ready...i'm your future.....scary isn't it? :O

teh l4m3 said...

It's like RAY-EEE-YAAAYN on your wedding day...

Midniter said...

I love that Snow Patrol song.