Friday, March 31, 2006

most of these Canadian songs suck ass





Here are the worst offenders:

  • "Photograph" - Nickelback (I don't get it. Americans lap this shit up. In Canada, we hear it on radio because it's the fucking law.)
  • "Santa Monica" - Theory Of A Deadman
  • "On My Own" - Hedley
  • "When The Night Feels My Song" - Bedouin Soundclash (sucks SO hard)
  • "Bad Day" - Daniel Powter (AAAAUGH! Someone make it stop! Shake a jar of pennies at it!)
  • "Run" - Rex Goudie (does the term "fucktard" mean anything to you?)
  • "Single" - Kalan Porter (Canadian Idol needs to go away. Now.)
  • "Old Skool Love" - Divine Brown (Great. Not only are we recognizing stolen melodies, but also poor spelling.)


    previous rants about the machine of Canadian musical mediocrity:
  • Bed-o-win Sound-torture
  • I'm not the only one...

    I'm not alone:
  • craptastic.com
  • "I want to destroy Nickelback" - Kickass!
  • 27 comments:

    Shora said...

    All the members of Nickleback should die. It's a sad state of affairs when two mediocre Canadian Idol contestants are battling for album of the year. What happened to the days when our women ruled every genre? Alanis, Sarah, Shania, Avril and (gag) Celine? Junos shmunos.

    Jason said...

    The Junos are pathetic. I did laugh though at your "shake a jar of pennies at it" thing.

    madamerouge said...

    shora: Avril? That little douchebag? I fucking hate her, too.

    jimmy: it's from Will & Grace

    tornwordo said...

    It's probably sad that the only one I know is Kalan from idol. I take that back, it's probably pathetic.

    Maybe though, I'm just lucky.

    madamerouge said...

    T: chicken-hawk

    Crucible said...

    You are bang-on, sir! Award shows in general are ridiculous with music awards leading the charge.

    Thanks for your comments btw, you are too kind as always.

    Smartypants said...

    Nickelback.

    The reason I don't listen to the radio.

    Because I'm too cool for school.

    indygirl said...

    SERIOUSLY how can they even lump those together???

    Nölff said...

    NICKELBACK SUX!
    I HATE THEM!
    I HOPE THAT THE POLAR BEARS IN CANADA BIT THEIR FACES OFF FOR EMBARASSING CANADIA!

    Riss said...

    I was just going to comment that I"knew" someone who devoted entire posts to hatred of Nickelback but uh, there he is. Right above me. (Hi Nolff)

    your judgemental aunt said...

    I must agree Nickelback is a nightmare. But I like most of the other ones.

    I do however dislike award shows ('cept for the MTV Movie Awards 'cause they're always funny)

    Miss Thistle said...

    NASCAR dudes need songs to rawk out to too!! That's the only reason I believe Nickleback continues to sell records. It's safe, generic rock with simple, catchy hooks, and the band has no piercings, makeup, tight pants, or anything else "weird." And I think Theory of a Deadman is pretty much identical.

    Feist's album is amazing, though. I highly recommend it.

    fatrobot said...

    yup
    they all suck

    Timmy said...

    I want to sing you a song. Maybe it will cheer you up.


    I got my first real six string
    Bought it at the five and dime
    Played it til my fingers bled
    Was the summer of '69

    Me and some guys from school
    Had a band and we tried real hard
    Jimmy quit and Jody got married
    I shoulda known we'd never get far
    But when I look back now
    That summer seemed to last forever
    And if I had the choice
    Ya - I'd always wanna be there
    Those were the best days of my life

    Ain't no use in complainin'
    When you got a job to do
    Spent my evenin's down at the drive-in
    And that's when I met you - ya

    Standin' on your mama's porch
    You told me that you'd wait forever
    Oh and when you held my hand
    I knew that it was now or never
    Those were the best days of my life
    Back in the summer of '69

    Man we were killin' time
    We were young and restless
    We needed to unwind
    I guess nothin' can last forever - forever, no...

    And now the times are changin'
    Look at everything that's come and gone
    Sometimes when I play that old six string
    I think about ya'n wonder what went wrong

    Standin' on your mama's porch
    You told me it would last forever
    Oh the way you held my hand
    I knew that it was now or never
    Those were the best days of my life

    Back in the summer of '69

    Canada ROCKS, not.

    toobusyliving said...

    I don't know who any of those people are. I should start listening to Top 40 commercial radio like Madamerouge and try and get "caught-up."

    Dead Robot said...

    http://www.thewebshite.net/nickelback.htm

    Brilliant.

    car@ said...

    TOOBUSY, I sure don't know them lol! the only one i know is Michael Bublé and here we have a joke going on with him.
    There is this nuts guy who imitates him in a Tv late night show, he makes himself called: Michael chiclé! and that is coz we do have a chewing gum brand over here very similar to his last name
    jajajaja! and chewing gum in spanish is "chicle", so yeah...that makes it Michael chewing gum!! ;-P

    madamerouge said...

    I just loved how Michael Bublé apparently got wasted during a party at Leonardo DiCaprio's house a few years ago and made a scene when he projectile-vomited into the bushes.

    Michael, it's what the rest of us are doing when we hear your rendition of "Save the Last Dance For Me"

    teh l4m3 said...

    "Americans lap this shit up."

    Um, no, sorry, don't even think about it. Stop projecting. Just stop that shit right now. We've got enough of our own to deal with.

    (That said, I thought Nickelback hatched in America... Silly me.)

    madamerouge said...

    We gave you Nickelback, Avril LaSlut (oops I mean Lavigne), Alanis "I don't know how to define irony" Morissette, Celine Dion, and a whole whack of others. Nickelback is currently on tour through Buttfuck USA. So someone's lappin' and it obviously tastes good to some.

    btw
    I never "project." I simply engage in passive-aggressive behaviour, laced with long episodes of avoidance-coping...

    teh l4m3 said...

    Pills, bitch, pills!

    "Sparkle, Neely - SPARKLE!!!!"

    sirbarrett said...

    There is no band I despise more than Nickelback. Their sound is even worse than their name.

    Butchieboy said...

    Bryan Adams?

    J said...

    I'm no Nickelback fan, but I think people beat up on them a little too much.

    They're just an average rock band -- so why do people like Barrett say that they despise them? They at least deserve the respect that they made this all happen for themselves -- not relying on a record label to release their first album (which went on to sell a ridiculous number of copies).

    And what is wrong with Bedouin Soundclash? Again, I'm not a huge fan, but their sound is definitely a refreshing alternative to the status quo.

    But, ignoring all this, why are you bothering to enumerate the songs on CD anyway? After all, without even looking, one can infer from the Juno in Juno Awards 2006 that the CD is going to blow. Do the Juno Awards ever commemorate any artists worth a second glance?

    madamerouge said...

    J, I just looked at your profile. You're 24. We probably won't agree much when it comes to music.

    I despise Nickelback because I can't stand their sound. Plus, I want several large clipper-wielding lesbians to sit on Chad Kroeger and give him a fucking haircut.

    Bedoin Soundclash are exactly the type of Toronto-spawned dreck that the Shuffle Demons were in the '80s. They're contrived, and sound like alleycats fucking.

    As for past Juno winners, some that I'd say are second-glance worthy (or have proven themselves to be) include Ron Sexsmith, Sam Roberts, The Tragically Hip, Sarah McLachlan, Rush, Blue Rodeo...

    See for yourself at http://www.junoawards.ca/ARC_results.php

    J said...

    "I despise Nickelback because I can't stand their sound. Plus, I want several large clipper-wielding lesbians to sit on Chad Kroeger and give him a fucking haircut."

    But that's what I don't understand. They sound just like every other average rock band out there, yet for some reason everyone seems to pick on them. Don't get me wrong -- I'm by no means a Nickelback apologist. But I'm just curious. Very much agreed on the hair issue, though.

    "As for past Juno winners, some that I'd say are second-glance worthy (or have proven themselves to be) include Ron Sexsmith, Sam Roberts, The Tragically Hip, Sarah McLachlan, Rush, Blue Rodeo..."

    True on all accounts. But it seems that, more often than not, artists like Simple Plan are taking home awards rather than those actually meriting an award.

    madamerouge said...

    ooh... nice burn on Simple Plan! (We may have more in common music-wise than I previously thought.) I guess I just don't like average rock bands. The last "rock" album I can remember buying was OK Computer by Radiohead.

    ________


    In what may fall under the category of "flogging a dead horse," I might not ever donate money to my alma mater again.