old, old

My friends and I have all freaked out about how young Taylor Lautner is (born in 1992). But as Ellen danced to C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)" today, I realized that Lautner was born after that song came out. It charted a full year before he was born. Oh, and Madonna's "Vogue"? Released almost two years before Lautner's birth.

I decided to re-write the lyrics to "Vogue". It's how I feel this morning.

what are you looking at?
old, old

break a hip
break a hip

look around, everywhere you turn it's walkers
they're everywhere that you go
you try everything you can to stand up
and not die in the bathtub

when your health fails and you long to be
someone younger than you are today
I know a place where you can get away
it's called dementia
and you get it when you're

old, old
feel your body break to the music
hey hey hey
fuckin' old
let your body go with the flow
you know you have Depends on

all you need is your own senility
so use it, that's what it's for
remember when you weren't so effing ancient
your dreams will open the door

it makes no difference if you're black or white
if you're a boy or a girl
if the Geritol's pumpin' it will give you new life
you're a superstar
yes, forget that you are

fucking old
feel your joints creak to the music
hey hey hey
so very old
let your bladder go, let it flow
you have adult diapers on yeah